Unitarian Universalist Meeting of
“Surrender Now –
What Have You Got to Lose?”
Rev. Kathy Duhon
Witness: Unitarian Universalism
Why do people choose to belong to a religion? What brings you here? I’ll take the first 7 answers that come out of your mouths, without having to think about it . . . .
There are many reasons why we choose to belong to a religion, but I have a basic one that you’ve skipped over. We belong to a religion because we need a place to own up to how bad we are – I know that sounds controversial. Religion lets us know that we really are the flawed, vulnerable, weak human beings that we fear we are, but religion also tells us that we are not alone in this condition of sinfulness, or bad karma. I am mindful of this as we are approaching the High Holy days of Judaism when, once every year, everyone in the congregation confesses out loud to a variety of sins, striking their breasts on each one. It’s collective, so you don’t know who is really the one who has robbed, or been deceitful, or been obstinate, for example, but you know that, with every confession, somebody in the synagogue is striking their breast and feeling the weight of the words. Without religions to give us the language, ritual and reflections about the confession of our brokenness, we would actually be more broken, more alone, more desperate in the knowledge, that we often hide from, but cannot avoid forever, of our sad, sorry state.
In a way, we come to religion to surrender the idea our parents gave us, or our teachers, or society seemed to demand, that we are perfect, incorruptible and in control. And more than that, in religion we come to surrender our lives, warts and all, to live a higher life, to find transformation, salvation, wholeness.
If we are theistic, then we may try to surrender to God, to the will or power that is greater than our own. If we are not theistic, we may surrender to the universe, to the greater Truth, to the interdependent web of all existence, of which we are a tiny part. The very word Islam means surrender. Buddhists surrender their attachments and desires. Christians surrender their lives to Christ, or their souls to God. The 19th century Unitarian transcendentalist, Sarah Ripley, said that religion is understood to be “surrendering of the soul to God and to the guidance of [the] holy spirit.”
You know what? I hate the word surrender, probably as much as many of you do, but I don’t have a better word, or concept. I have been contending with this idea of surrender forever. Many of my journal entries for years wrestle with it. I am not very good at surrender. Just ask my kids, or Jon – I like to be in control. Even when I was critically ill, and my Mom, who had raised 9 children, and Jon, who was able to work from home, were taking care of me, 2 year old Anna, and newborn Will, I still needed to tell them what to do to organize the little bitty apartment we were living in – I left instructional notes. And, I am the only person I have ever heard of who was so stubborn after a surgical procedure that I actually tried to escape from the Recovery room. They caught me sneaking my gurney out the door. I was the talk of the hospital – talk about trying to be in control!
I’ll tell you what I don’t like about surrender – it’s probably what you don’t like about it too. Surrender sounds like submission, for one thing, which is capitulation, giving in, bowing down in a way that denies yourself. I never want to submit. Surrender sounds weak and subservient, like you are not worth anything before the big boss, like you’re a wus. I never want to be subservient. Surrender sounds reckless, like letting go of what’s important, not caring. I never want to be reckless. Surrender sounds like giving up, like not doing what you should be doing. I never want to give up. Surrender sounds like accepting the world and yourself in all your dreadfulness, and not trying to be better or make things better. I never want to accept the unacceptable.
Surrender is not the same as submission, though, or any of those other ways of being that I have just raised, which involve abrogating your will and responsibility, and letting the bad stuff win. Surrender is when you engage your will to accept a situation that you have no power over, which takes using real Power, not your angry, helpless, controlling, despairing, partial power. It’s not about surrendering control, but surrendering to the power beyond your control. Surrender is letting go of the ego’s grip, but not letting go of the deep centered self.
Do some folks surrender religiously in ways that are harmful? Oh, yes. It is in our nature, as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, to worship something, anything. We tend to be obsessed by/controlled by/addicted to something in our lives, including our religions, and those are dangerous forms of surrender. It is in our nature to be committed to what is larger than ourselves, and we can choose to be committed to that which will harm us and the world, in big or little ways, or we can choose to be committed to the larger than us which is good, but hard to understand, let alone follow. It takes continual questioning and seeking, something we do well as Unitarian Universalists. We are not likely to surrender in a harmful way, religiously, but are we likely to surrender in a good way?
There’s a whole chapter on surrender in Life Lessons, from which we heard a selection – a book by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler, experts on death and dying. Well, of course, the dying have a shot at figuring out how to surrender. Like we do, with blizzards or other show-stopping events in our lives – we let go when we are truly forced to. Some of the lessons that the dying can teach us about surrender, though, according to this book, is that it is a choice we can make, a positive choice that is for a greater purpose, and that surrender is acceptance instead of giving up, and that surrender is receiving other ways of being, and finally, that surrender is a gift we give ourselves. Surrender now – what have you got to lose?
Love is one embodiment of surrender. We surrender our time and energies to the people that we love. We surrender our self-interests and desires for our beloved ones. We surrender our sense of control in any relationship. Compassionate love for all is a fertile ground for surrender. We surrender our needs for the greater good. Frederick Buechner writes, “the life you clutch, hoard, guard, and play safe with is in the end a life worth little to anybody, including yourself, and only a life given away for love’s sake is a life worth living.”
Philip Simmons wrote that life is a mystery instead of a problem to be solved, and the mystery of life asks of us “[o]nly that we be in its presence, that we fully, consciously, hand ourselves over.” Surrender is a way of saying that we can’t win/achieve/get/control/whatever, that this is wrong thinking, not Real, not true. The Reality is that we are at one with the universe, and interdependent, so I/the ego/me is only a category that helps organize reality, like mathematics, or colors, but it is not Reality. When we surrender, we are acknowledging our unity and oneness with Reality, and we are giving ourselves fully to that Reality.
When the saints explain about loving God, they talk about surrendering the petty and pretty and particulars of life to a greater Reality that is loving/Love/loves us, so we in return love that Ultimacy/God. When we surrender with all of our being, giving ourselves fully to God/the Universe, they say this makes us feel not diminished, but exalted, beloved, and beyond the ultimate grasp of any suffering.
These are teachings about surrender that I honor and that I keep working on over and over again, trying to get some handle on for my own life. We all need practice with surrendering, and there are lots of little ways to do this – surrender to laughter, to music, to dance; surrender our time and energy to the needs of our children, our pets, our parents. Most of us know how to surrender to duty, whether job or school or family or civic. When we go into the hospital, we surrender our dignity when we put on that revealing johnnie. When we come to a religious community like this one, we surrender some of our alienation and despair, controlling behavior and selfishness, false understandings and weaknesses. We practice a little surrendering here and a little surrendering there, throughout our lives.
Can’t we let ourselves extend the practice of surrender further in our lives, to spiritual practices or intentions? One simple practice is to regularly bring to mind the “serenity prayer”: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
The more we are able to surrender our small selves to the greater All in All, the more we will have peace. Maybe we will come to know transformation, salvation, wholeness, oneness. Surrender now – we have nothing to lose and everything to gain. So may we be blessed.
Witness: Unitarian
Universalism
Sometimes we take a time for witnessing to something deeply meaningful to one of us. In the past, this has always been done by a member, not by me – after all, I get enough chance to speak in the rest of the service. I realize, though, that I want to requisition this time for my own personal witness to how important and meaningful Unitarian Universalism has been to me.
This is a great big religious home, where I can bring all that is me, and where the folks I care most about - my family – as well as the stranger, can bring all that is them, and miraculously, we all belong. How few places in this world are this welcoming, this accepting, this compassionate, this magnificent! It matters to me that my integrity is not insulted or assaulted here, that I can be true to my own deepest self. It matters to me that others are given this spiritual freedom to be true to themselves as well. How good it is that I can be Christian, and others Buddhist, Humanist, Jewish, Pagan, Atheist, and just plain undeclared. It’s a miracle, you know, that we all do this religion together, and we all are so much better for it. My spiritual life is greatly enriched by the variety which blossoms here.
I love that we are
always active; always searching for Truth and Wisdom, always acting for Love
and Justice. As a recent example, this
week our congregation sent another $1500 to help in hurricane relief, aiding an
African American elementary school crowded with evacuees, and paying for plane
flights to reunite families that were cruelly separated in the confusion of the
I love that we take our faith so seriously, and we also have great fun together. I love that this is a place where I and others can dream, where all can heal, where laughter is abundant, and so is music. I love that we are a beloved community who are willing to share with each other deeply, and I love that this community reaches out to the world to make it a better place in so many ways.
Unitarian Universalism has changed my life for the better. Thank you, everyone.